A journey into my 3d decade

It’s been a while I didn’t post anything new, I was busy with a few changes in my life triggered by the fact that i’ll be closing the door on the 2nd decade of my life in a couple of weeks.

I’ve been thinking about a lot of things lately, such as;  my future, my career, my goals, and changes that should be made.

I started weighing my goals vs ways to achieve them which required certain steps to be taken, and one of them,is to seek a job abroad that will kickstart my planned future one way or another.

Don’t get me wrong,i was right on track when it comes to my career and my previous job was amazing when it comes to the company as well as it’s staff.. but staying in leb would have had to postpone my goals a couple of years ahead instead of starting to build for my future on firm ground as of right now. So moving abroad was a path I had to take.

I started to look here and there for open vacancies, not really looking but just keeping my eyes opened . Till one day I got notified by an old colleague of mine that there were an opening in his firm which requires me to work abroad. After checking the conditions which required me to make certain sacrifices in certain areas I accepted the move and went into the hiring and negotiation process till I finally got what I wanted.

Obviously, I had lots of concerns and a long list of first times and what ifs.. (First time I leave lebanon,work abroad,live alone,what if it didnt work, what if i didnt like it,…) that haunted me for a little over a week which were finally set at rest by a much appreciated Ms. Nathalie, aka @virus2309 who lives in dubai. She had the answers to every question I ever had, and even more (For that i’ll be eternally grateful. )

Now i know what you might be thinking, I’m not the first person to work abroad nor would I be the last so it shouldn’t be such a big deal. guess what! you’re almost right if it weren’t of the little insider tips that does actually make a big difference.

So by 28th of october I had everything set! Resigned my old job, prepared my bags, had a place ready to rent over in qatar,issued an international driving license, I even knew what kind of car I’ll be renting and eventually buying thanks to . Everything was going perfectly until the day I’ve found out that my visa got rejected for security reasons. and it all went down hill from there. (I assure you am not a terrorist.. oh and it’s worth to note that to this day I’m not sure what that security reason is as they didn’t accept to share that info.)

After 5 weeks of emails bouncing back and forth between my firm and the representatives in qatar. It ended up in me dropping the qatar deal and staying in leb.I won’t deny it! It was frustrating, it was annoying, it was one of those things that makes you want to burst in rage and blame someone, but you don’t have anyone to blame as it’s no ones fault.

I tried my best to keep an optimistic look at things, and I honestly were for a little while until all hell broke loose. Shit hit the fan on so many fronts and  as much as i’d hate to admit it, I did actually feel indifferent and sort of numb for a while. Until one day I decided to step back and reevaluate my situation and here’s what i came up with:

  • I’ve learned that the arab world makes it easier for none arabs to visit/work in their country than arabs themselves.
  • I’ve learned that taking a leap of faith in life changing decisions isn’t a bad thing with all things considered.
  • I’ve learned that we’re not ALL going to hell, as there’s still good people who genuinely mean well and help without asking for anything in return.
  • I’ve learned that control is an illusion, and you never know where a path might lead you.

I’ve learned a lot of things these past few weeks, and i’ll finish this post with the one thats most important of all :   there’s never a bad situation, as long as you learned to benefit from what you’ve experienced through it.


Posted by on 27/11/2011 in Thoughts


Seven billion plus one

seven billion

That’s the estimated number of people on earth at the moment, seven billion. That’s a big number.

Seven billion of anything, is still a big thing, if it were seven billion grain of sand, drop of water, or even seven billion stranger.

So we cannot argue with the fact that it’s a big number of people out there. Do we know them all? No we don’t, we know but a fraction of that number. I’ve read once that at any given time we can keep contact with up to 250 people at one go.

and that’s at a first degree. We affect their lives as well as they affect ours. But then again, 250 person are nothing compared to the seven billion figure. After all satoro said it best

“ Individually, we are one drop. Together, we are an ocean.”

there’s an ocean of drops(people) that co-exist. We are born, we live, we give birth, we die. ‘ that’s the circle of life.

Indeed it is, but what makes it all worth living?

Through out my life ive learned to live  upon one assumption, and that is that there’s seven billion people in the world, I don’t know them all, so if some of those 250 drifted away for one reason or another, it’s not a big deal… after all whats seven  billion plus one ? that’s still a seven billion number. I know it’s harsh, but yet again having people ripped out of your life by death, relocating or any reason that we experience as human beings is a harsh thing. One day all is well, the other you have to go through life with a minus one. So a good way to deal with it, is to implement what a smart tutor once taught me as a kid. dissect every big problem to small little steps and all can be solved with no effort.

So you see, loosing a person is a big thing, but adding one to a 7 billion number isn’t such a big deal. I guess it depends on how u look at it .

In some cases, if you lose 1 $ out of 1000 similar dollars. It’s not a big deal. But if u loose 1 $ out of 250 000 L.L is a big thing because that 1 $ was special, it’s not as the other L.L based currency. it’s different!

But then again, one + seven billion is still a 7 billion number. They say every one  $ you have may not have an effect at the moment, but on the long run, that 1 $ has taught you something, sometimes it may be years before you realize what it had to teach you but still. It did actually change something in you, something deep inside.

We see that in nature everyday. You say wht would one  $ have as an effect on you! Well do you know  jeita grotto ? Do you know that it was molded into shape by drops of water, going at it constantly ONE drop at a time?

7 billion drops of water may have shaped that grotto to the way it is, but one little drop may have shaped it exactly to something that your eyes may like.

so it seems that  one drop of water in a big vast ocean is a big thing after all.

but then again, whats 7 billion plus one….


Posted by on 08/08/2011 in Thoughts


Humans and their Relati-on-ships

Relationships, what are they, how do we go through them, or better yet why do we  start one!

That’s a tough question that every human being on gods green earth has faced one time or another.I’ve been a busy person through out my life, I never had time to look into such things, I’m more of a solo player if you may call it.

Though lately a few little things happened that made me think about it all, why do people stick together, how do they endure each others flaws, why is it a long-lived habit of finding a “ mate “ to spend time with.And then it hit me, life is a lot of things, and one of them is a journey to reach somewhere, whether it’s to carry out your dreams, raise your kids, serve your country or whatever goal each person of us rationalize life for it to be.

All what I’ve previously mentioned have one thing in common, and that life is a journey. Now if you look closely at the word ‘relationship’ you somehow find a few words standing out, and these are relative, on, ship. So in other words! Relati-on-ship is another form of “relatively being on a ship” and whats better for our journey to start than by having a sailor helping us through the rough waves of time. To help us sail through it, around it, and sometimes even against it.

I guess that’s the common goal of a relationship, it’s to find a person who you will sail with you to accomplish both of your journeys. If not a long-lived journey, at least to get you through a part of it until a better sailor-match comes by again. But where does that leaves us solo players in the scheme of journey vs time ?That’s something I’ve been pondering about lately. Some people love the company of others, some people yearn for it, others prefer solitude.

ok… so what’s normal? What’s to be expected? Where are the guide lines of life concerning such a thing.

We’ve all heard people saying no ones perfect, yet everyone is special in their own way. Well I disagree! I say that all of us are simply – Normal – as the mere fact that we as humans are going through a certain state, doing a certain act, enduring a certain situation. Makes it just that! Something.. NORMAL! You cannot come up with something that’s unnatural and inflict it on a natural being such as us human. you see soeciety tends to nromalize things the waythe majority see fit. but the way i see it, if a human being thought of it , did it , experienced it, than by all means! it’s normal.

with that in mind, is it normal to be in a relationship, or not?

Of course being in a relationship is not a goal in itself (even though it sometimes is for needy ppl) though what if we don’t want to be ? Or better yet, what if we’re too picky to find our own version of a fellow sailor that we’ve actually set the pedestal so high, that not even we can reach it if we were in their shoes.Thinking about all of this over and over again lead a simple late in the night thought to end up as a conflict of character vs social expectations vs human needs.

And what’s better for a conflict to end but by reaching a common ground?  between my perfectionist nature, my forever challenge of being the best I can be and the social definition of relationships. I actually came up with a common ground with the help of William Arthur Ward. as He said:

“When we seek to discover the best in others, we somehow bring out the best in ourselves.”

And that lead me to believe, that by seeking relationship with others, if they match ,if they’re this if they’re that. You somehow tend to mold yourself to being a better person. And that my friends, is a very tempting outcome for a perfectionist. Let’s face it, whats more perfect than to mold yourself to be a better person? Even if it’s by the help of others. But then again, will I get to normalize myself to the normality of others? Or invent a new normal standard… i’ll keep you posted.


Posted by on 24/07/2011 in Thoughts


Social Creatures, a myth that turned into a way of life. or not.

We human, are social creatures or so I hear.
That goes all the way back to the times where a *dude*(Aristotle) which i like to occasionally quote said:

“Hence it is evident that the state is creation of nature and that man by nature is a political animal.”

But then again, that fact dare i say, is fed to us since we first open our eyes to the world. we are constantly accompanied by others. whether in our early few years (for nurturing reasons exactly like any other animal in our dear earth) or later on.
We’re pushed to play with others, in kinder garden, they call it “Social skills” , then we are pushed towards hanging out with friends from the same gender in an early stage and later on (hopefully, as being homo is the new thing as i notice. oh and In case you’re wondering. yep, i’m definitely a homophobic.) from the opposite sex which ends up in having a few girlfriends before actually going into the golden cage (as far as i hear from my married friends, it’s not as golden as it looks).

So you see, are we truly social ? or it’s just a residue of a once upon a time  need to stick to one another to defend against dangers and such.
One can argue, that man as a social animal simply relates to the fact that we as human tend to want to live in a society which is governed by certain rules to meet a common goal (uhh communism ? ) and not to a one-on-one level.

And that my friends brings me to my subject. are relationships governed by the constantly fed idea of having to be with others?

We  tend to seek friends, meet people, look for an occasional one on one time with a certain other. You may call it dating, others may call it going out with a special friend. that’s perfectly alright, until someone get hurts, maybe back stabbed.
You see i’ve been the shoulder to cry on for a lot of special people in my life that tend to complain about others for a number of reasons. there’s backstabbing,cheating, not giving enough attention,giving too much attention and the list goes on and On. which makes me wonder, why do we endure all that?
Is it true that we are social creatures and we yearn for one another one way or the other? or is it society that turned a once upon a time *requirements of life* to a myth that is shoved down our throat to accomplish one thing. and that to keep us on a Leash. and that leash’ other end is to comply with rules of society.
Rules only exist if two or more people abide by them. and what’s better to keep people together than to convince them of a long gone need (we don’t need numbers to defend danger, we simply lock our door) of staying together .
So are we truly social creatures ? Well that’s a question i fail to answer, as living so long in such an environment (human environment) i’m leaning towards being a social person my self. which reminds me.  i’ll be heading out to meet a bunch of friends now (ironic indeed) but i’ll leave with something to ponder about:

Getting back from work, turning on my TV. my remote landed on some american movie about a pakistani family living in the US. where the lead actor’s daughter decided to Leave the “family home” and go live on her own. as soon as she confronted her father with that decision, his first reaction were “what would our surrounding say”.
And with that i rest my case.

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Posted by on 01/07/2011 in Thoughts


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Who will inherit the earth?

Growing up , i remember watching a few documentaries on our local lebanese channel at first, and later on discovery and national geographic channels where it explains in a scientific way how earth will be eventually inherited by the insect species given their natural ability to cope with global changes which leads to a little effect on their living state.

You see, while having breakfast like every day on our dear old balcony that has experienced my nagging routine for my parents to pick me up to see the  passing “voituret” (as i used to call them as a kid which is a childish way of saying “voiture” in other words “CAR” in english) to my 29 years on this earth. i started checking people down under on the opposite side of the street where ive seen a bunch of men passing each other on the sidewalk , each at a different speed one stopping at the atm, another on the phone reading some papers, another simply jogging (which reflects Life, somehow.. each going through it at a difference pace some achieving their goals some simply gliding through. oh well that’s a whole different thing to write about one day). suddenly I’ve noticed a sort of trend, an algorithm of life, something that is exactly the same with the passing cars.. each going to a specific destination, for a specific purpose, at a specific time to serve a certain goal. people scattered all across my street, my neighborhood, my city, my country, our earth. and then it suddenly hit me.. did the phrase

“And the Insects Shall Inherit the Earth”

really affected us that much that we started to act like a sort of colony each doing his part of the greater good of the hive?

You ever seen a hive of ants as a kid? scattered all around its hole in the ground each doing his thing, one is bringing in food, others carrying grains of sands to shield its main entrance for god knows what kind of risk they may face? ever seen a documentary where they explain how a hive of bees work synchronously with everyone achieving his exact role, goal, by using all means necessary?

I have! and i remember pretty well feeling sort of frustrated and pitying every single member of that colony. what a dull and boring life they must lead to do the same repetitive thing, to have one role in their colony and to keep at it through out their lives. but oh wait! isn’t that what wer;e doing every single day? being trained, educated, picking a specific career and going at it till the day we are no longer able to do so?

Did we, the human race tried coping with todays day and age by using any means necessary to make sure that we are and will remain the dominant species on our beloved earth?

are we the theoretical representation of the insects that will inherit the earth ?

We wonder.. (The little canary hanging on our balcony and myself.)


Posted by on 03/06/2011 in Thoughts


As a Lebanese guy, I apologize for being a Hypocrite.

After a short lunch at our cafeteria, i decided to continue my lunch break at my office, it’s more peaceful here and I’m yearning for a bit of piece and quiet lately.

Sitting in my office , having my Perrier i decided to check Tweetdeck, (it’s been almost two weeks that i’m using twitter and i must admit it’s addictive). While checking my timeline i came across a tweet that sort of got on my nerves. it was a shortened link with a comment of:

”  Promiscuous Sara. Judgmental Beirut she should respect her surroundings, or move to Europe or something

I’m afraid i don’t recall who tweeted it, but it got on my nerves big time. the first thought that came to my mind was, who are YOU (the author of that article, as well as the person who tweeted it) to define people and advise them of what to do or not do.

I immediately followed that link and started reading (you can find that article here)

Reading through, i sort of cooled down, admiring the skill of the person who wrote that tweet and their choice of choosing the right comment to attract people as well as the point of view of the author of that article.

( on a side note i have always been attracted to girls such as sara, NO not for her accused promiscuous acts but for the fact that she is by all means a free spirit. someone who actually does what they please without carrying those heavy heavy blocks of society taboos upon their shoulders. maybe it’s true.. opposites attract!)

Reading line after line I couldn’t help but remember my numerous conversations with friends about this same subject.

You see most of my friends are girls (for a weird secret that i’ve yet to discover) and some of those girls are similar to Sara with her nun-like looks and her free spirit if i may still call it.

And this subject was always brought up, when any real conversation takes place about their dreams, their hopes especially when it comes to marriage. most of them have a sort of fear about what the future might bring them when it comes to marriage and their supposed to be “the one”. about what he might think/say/act upon them loosing their virginity.
I used to always comfort them by saying something like;

if he’s the one he will understand, if he loves you he will let go, if he didn’t accept you for who you are he wouldn’t be the one that’s right for you. And when they’re really going in circles with that exact subject I ask them , did you do it out of love? If yes, then there’s nothing for you to worry about.. if not, then we’re all allowed to make mistakes we’re only human, it’s your body no one has anything to do with it, you do wht you think is right and don’t care bout what others might say.

That’s the only thing I could say, i didn’t know any better (i still don’t) .

You may be wondering, what’s my real point of view about this whole issue. Well it’s a mix of things actually. in my younger years, as in my teens and early 20s i used to think well.. why don’t girls have the same right as guys! Why would a girl who goes out and have “fun” be labeled as *fill in the blanks to your liking* and guys aren’t treated the same?
mind you i come from a very conservative family yet I’ve been brought up based on equality between men and women. of course not in this specific subject (once again, conservative family) but they say a person is the outcome of his surrounding (الإنسان إبن بيئته
tried explaining it as much as possible).

That earlier point of view were in a time that i’ve never dated, never were in a relationship, never experience jealousy, never considered someone as my own.

LIFE happened, which lead me to gain  experience in a lot of issues that sort of shook my confidence about my before mentioned point of view. don’t get me wrong! i still believe of equality when it comes to that issue as well as the fact that women in our society are actually treated unfairly.

You see now, when I have the same sort of conversation with girls I tend to give two equally convincing point of views (at least the way I see it).

From one side, I explain the point of view mentioned above, and on the other hand, I mention that the thought of my future wife (god help her! given the fact she has to put up with me) one day being on the road, and some guy pointing at her and saying to his friend (you see those couple? I’ve once slept with his wife) that idea gets me into a state of rage. Yes! Rage.

I know it’s wrong, it’s actually selfish! I’m taking the fact that this happened to that girl out of the equation and actually making it all about ME! What I would feel, what I would think, what others would say about ME. I mean I know that it’s said that marriage makes two people as one but that doesn’t mean one can own the other! His experiences! The consequences of their acts! i mean marriage shouldn’t be retroactive! but The mere thought of me saying “that mans wife , I slept with her” sometimes sounds like it’s offensive to my future wife (once again, god help her).

I always end this subject by saying, I’m not like those guys who want their wife to be a virgin yet they take every girls virginity in their near proximity. I’m not a hypocrite, I never * GO * with a girl that’s a virgin, as I believe that her virginity is something of too much importance (to her) to be wasted lightly. (deep down the real reason is the fact that I don’t want our acts today, lead her to say one day “i wish I hadn’t done so with THAT guy”. Which is something i’ve heard over and over from so many girls about their respective * first guy *.

Right now, I’m torn between these two thoughts. I’m close to blow the candles for the 30th time and this is getting me to wonder more and more about how the “one” would be and the issues I might have to deal with.

You see reading that article and being annoyed, and offended (since some of my friends are similar to sara) and yet having those two contradicting thoughts with the addition of the “i never go with a virgin girl” made me realize one thing…


Being torn between two thoughts doesn’t  make it all right!

Believing in a woman’s equality with men in every aspect is a thing that cannot be dissected to pieces where i could accept what want and throw away what i don’t.

The open-minded mentality of me pushes me toward accepting, yet my oriental mentality and it’s relation with honor and dignity is giving me doubts and getting me into a state of rage when i think about it.

the only thing i still have to say is that I hope that one day, i’ll do the right thing by my future wife to be, and subsequently by myself. as right now!!  i don’t have an answer to that.


Posted by on 27/05/2011 in Thoughts



Your wish is this blog’s command..

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Posted by on 12/04/2011 in Uncategorized

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