As a Lebanese guy, I apologize for being a Hypocrite.

27 May

After a short lunch at our cafeteria, i decided to continue my lunch break at my office, it’s more peaceful here and I’m yearning for a bit of piece and quiet lately.

Sitting in my office , having my Perrier i decided to check Tweetdeck, (it’s been almost two weeks that i’m using twitter and i must admit it’s addictive). While checking my timeline i came across a tweet that sort of got on my nerves. it was a shortened link with a comment of:

”  Promiscuous Sara. Judgmental Beirut she should respect her surroundings, or move to Europe or something

I’m afraid i don’t recall who tweeted it, but it got on my nerves big time. the first thought that came to my mind was, who are YOU (the author of that article, as well as the person who tweeted it) to define people and advise them of what to do or not do.

I immediately followed that link and started reading (you can find that article here)

Reading through, i sort of cooled down, admiring the skill of the person who wrote that tweet and their choice of choosing the right comment to attract people as well as the point of view of the author of that article.

( on a side note i have always been attracted to girls such as sara, NO not for her accused promiscuous acts but for the fact that she is by all means a free spirit. someone who actually does what they please without carrying those heavy heavy blocks of society taboos upon their shoulders. maybe it’s true.. opposites attract!)

Reading line after line I couldn’t help but remember my numerous conversations with friends about this same subject.

You see most of my friends are girls (for a weird secret that i’ve yet to discover) and some of those girls are similar to Sara with her nun-like looks and her free spirit if i may still call it.

And this subject was always brought up, when any real conversation takes place about their dreams, their hopes especially when it comes to marriage. most of them have a sort of fear about what the future might bring them when it comes to marriage and their supposed to be “the one”. about what he might think/say/act upon them loosing their virginity.
I used to always comfort them by saying something like;

if he’s the one he will understand, if he loves you he will let go, if he didn’t accept you for who you are he wouldn’t be the one that’s right for you. And when they’re really going in circles with that exact subject I ask them , did you do it out of love? If yes, then there’s nothing for you to worry about.. if not, then we’re all allowed to make mistakes we’re only human, it’s your body no one has anything to do with it, you do wht you think is right and don’t care bout what others might say.

That’s the only thing I could say, i didn’t know any better (i still don’t) .

You may be wondering, what’s my real point of view about this whole issue. Well it’s a mix of things actually. in my younger years, as in my teens and early 20s i used to think well.. why don’t girls have the same right as guys! Why would a girl who goes out and have “fun” be labeled as *fill in the blanks to your liking* and guys aren’t treated the same?
mind you i come from a very conservative family yet I’ve been brought up based on equality between men and women. of course not in this specific subject (once again, conservative family) but they say a person is the outcome of his surrounding (الإنسان إبن بيئته
tried explaining it as much as possible).

That earlier point of view were in a time that i’ve never dated, never were in a relationship, never experience jealousy, never considered someone as my own.

LIFE happened, which lead me to gain  experience in a lot of issues that sort of shook my confidence about my before mentioned point of view. don’t get me wrong! i still believe of equality when it comes to that issue as well as the fact that women in our society are actually treated unfairly.

You see now, when I have the same sort of conversation with girls I tend to give two equally convincing point of views (at least the way I see it).

From one side, I explain the point of view mentioned above, and on the other hand, I mention that the thought of my future wife (god help her! given the fact she has to put up with me) one day being on the road, and some guy pointing at her and saying to his friend (you see those couple? I’ve once slept with his wife) that idea gets me into a state of rage. Yes! Rage.

I know it’s wrong, it’s actually selfish! I’m taking the fact that this happened to that girl out of the equation and actually making it all about ME! What I would feel, what I would think, what others would say about ME. I mean I know that it’s said that marriage makes two people as one but that doesn’t mean one can own the other! His experiences! The consequences of their acts! i mean marriage shouldn’t be retroactive! but The mere thought of me saying “that mans wife , I slept with her” sometimes sounds like it’s offensive to my future wife (once again, god help her).

I always end this subject by saying, I’m not like those guys who want their wife to be a virgin yet they take every girls virginity in their near proximity. I’m not a hypocrite, I never * GO * with a girl that’s a virgin, as I believe that her virginity is something of too much importance (to her) to be wasted lightly. (deep down the real reason is the fact that I don’t want our acts today, lead her to say one day “i wish I hadn’t done so with THAT guy”. Which is something i’ve heard over and over from so many girls about their respective * first guy *.

Right now, I’m torn between these two thoughts. I’m close to blow the candles for the 30th time and this is getting me to wonder more and more about how the “one” would be and the issues I might have to deal with.

You see reading that article and being annoyed, and offended (since some of my friends are similar to sara) and yet having those two contradicting thoughts with the addition of the “i never go with a virgin girl” made me realize one thing…


Being torn between two thoughts doesn’t  make it all right!

Believing in a woman’s equality with men in every aspect is a thing that cannot be dissected to pieces where i could accept what want and throw away what i don’t.

The open-minded mentality of me pushes me toward accepting, yet my oriental mentality and it’s relation with honor and dignity is giving me doubts and getting me into a state of rage when i think about it.

the only thing i still have to say is that I hope that one day, i’ll do the right thing by my future wife to be, and subsequently by myself. as right now!!  i don’t have an answer to that.


Posted by on 27/05/2011 in Thoughts



3 responses to “As a Lebanese guy, I apologize for being a Hypocrite.

  1. cynthia

    27/05/2011 at 9:55 PM

    Being torn between these two ideas is normal, since we live in a country that educates young girls and boys to perceive this subject as taboo.
    The fact that, guys like you, are or will get in a stage of rage (in the future, like you said) is also connected to this “normality” we live in and especially in Lebanon.
    What I just said are facts and what you just wrote is true, but there’s are some points you omitted; very important ones.
    You mentioned how guys would think and react and how society will distinguish “these” girls. It’s true that the society is to blame, but important points and questions are to be raised: What about “this girl”? And what about her parents? And their education? Are they repeating the same mistake over and over again, century after century?
    1) The 1st most important question to ask is: How is this “virginity” defined?
    You might say “That’s not the subject I was talking about”. Hear me out then judge.
    I will first debate some sentences you wrote. (On a side note, please do not take anything offensive or judgmental; these are my personal thoughts and opinion)
    — on a side note i have always been attracted to girls such as sara… maybe it’s true.. opposites attract!”—
    Well I don’t think that it has something to do with opposite’s attraction. I believe that, because girls like Sara are listed as “these girls”, that you and guys like you are attracted to them. They belong to the “prohibited and unwanted” category.
    — NO not for her accused promiscuous acts but for the fact that she is by all means a free spirit—
    I think that it’s to you a form of self-protection or one might say “ease the mind excuse”. It’s true that “she” has a free spirit and she’s the one to decide what is right and what is wrong, but “she” can be any other she, whether a virgin or not. What I mean is that, you might be fooled and think that X girl is not categorized, but in fact she is: A virgin, true, but who knows what roads she took. She could be a free spirited virgin.
    So again THE question to ask is: How is this “virginity” defined?
    Is it defined by going out (well not really going out) with several men, but staying “just friends”? Platonic love? Or having some casual relationships just to be accepted by this society? Better yet, is it defined by staying home and waiting for prince charming?
    Well I do respect those women/girls who think that way, but I think that’s the way leading to matrimonial troubles, hence divorces.
    Furthermore, what about their reputation? “Nuns” – “good for nothing” etc…

    On the other hand, it doesn’t mean that leading Sara’s life is right. It has its demons. The most perceptible one is our society and the most invisible one is the inner and self devastation.
    (Eventhought women like Sara like to pretend that they don’t care, but internally they do. I’m not saying that I’m 100% right, because I’m not giving my assumptions based on personal experiences. I have many friends as Sara. Being their confident led me to these assumptions)
    Which girl is leading the best life? No one really has the answer to that.
    2) The 2nd most important question to ask is: What is really bothering you?
    — you see those couple? I’ve once slept with his wife) that idea gets me into a state of rage. Yes! Rage. —
    What is the real cause underneath? Is it because, she slept with someone else before you? (Whether it was out f love or not) Or is THIS SPECIFIC comment that put you in a state of rage?
    Whatever the cause is, jealousy or anger, guys have to think about the girls they’re with. What about her feelings? (The future wife)
    I believe that you’re not a hypocrite. What I do think is that you might have been hypocrite in the past, but the fact that you’re realizing and admitting these two contradiction thoughts is leading you to a new road; the better one. Keep digging 🙂
    Finally I’d say that every couple who deal with this taboo subject honestly can attain a level where no one could reach them, whether it’s society, family or friends 🙂
    Peace and specially Love

  2. inthemiddleblog

    04/09/2011 at 8:43 AM

    All I think regarding this subject is that a guy and a girl should be treated equally in our society. They can chose to have several sexual relationships or not, but that should be their choice and they should not be punished in either way.
    Society in Lebanon tends to judge anyone who does not conform to the norm, but who set these rules. I do not judge because i don’t like to be judged and because it’s not up to us to put people in categories.

    • Roland

      04/09/2011 at 5:04 PM

      I Agree with you, society shouldn’t judge. each to his own.
      I’m simply portraying the subject from a loved one point view. will i disregard it, will i let my pride and ego overcome my love for that person. i still don’t know. at a younger age i had a clear answer to that and it revolved around one simple sentence “If i love her, then it shouldn’t matter” but now.. i dont have a clear and simple answer no more.. all what i have is that i hope that if i ever faced such a situation that i will make the right choice.


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