The best for last..

Q: Are you married?
A: No, not yet. (I may occasionally throw in “alla yib3oud el darbet” if the situation allows it)
Q: What are you waiting for ?
A: Everything (career goals,financial stability,etc..) yet nothing in specific.
Q: Don’t you want to get married ?
A: I want to eventually have kids.
Q: So you’re in a serious long lasting relationship then ?

The occurrence of such a conversation with a number of people is happening at an alarming rate. Most probably it’s because of reaching that stage in life, or maybe because i’m hanging out with married couples and bfs/gfs that are celebrating their X year of steady and serious relationship with one another. One way or another, every person i’m coming in contact with is either married, in a long relationship, or just too broken to even think of one or the other.

And even though it’s hard for me to admit this, but such conversations and surrounding is starting to affect me. I’m considering things such as age gap difference between me and my future kids, and even short-term scenarios, such as enduring a bf/gf sort of relationship with someone. Either way, these thoughts are forcing my hand into weighing every woman i meet against a list of criteria that i have in mind of how my potential “partner” should be.
After a while, i noticed that out of all the women I’ve known, or now know, only a few came out on top of that list, whom surprisingly are the ones i subconsciously treat differently!

  •  Never flirted with them(i tend to flirt with everyone), yet always made subtle positive remarks about their looks and character.
  •  I tend to keep my distance, yet occasionally check in on them.
  • Never slept with them nor worked my way to it.
  •  I speak my mind freely and in the most annoying and blunt way possible. borderline rude.

This kind of treatment, opened my eyes on something i haven’t noticed before; I’ve been applying the rule of thumb that every other guy knows. When you meet a woman that’s a “keeper”, you never mess with her and you NEVER get into a relationship with her unless you’re at a time in your life where you’re willing to accept that possibility of going the whole way. (not that it’s bound to happen, but just acknowledging the possibility).

With that in mind, i came to one conclusion; Subconsciousness affects us in more ways than you and i are willing to admit. At times, we tend to do things without noticing, which will always have a butterfly effect through our future..

Now you may saying to yourself what’s next? i know i am.. well, my subconsciousness got me here,now it’s up to me to lead the rest of the way.

after all, i did keep the best for last 🙂

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Posted by on 24/09/2013 in Thoughts


“up in the air” – or maybe down here on my death bed…

Couple of days ago, two of my former FWBs (if you don’t know what that is, good for you!) separately whatsapped me a message “Roland, put on MBC2 and watch “up in the air” ” in a matter of minutes of each other.

Needless to say, when i received the first message, i ignored it (No offense dear, if you happen to read this).  i had too much to do, a lot on my plate and I’m not a tv person as much as i used to be.

But when i received the second, and within a couple of minutes.. i got a bit curious! what’s  so special about “up in the air” and why did they both felt the need to tell me about it ?

At first i thought it’s a sci-fi movie of some sort. so instead of flipping the tv on and checking what they’re talking about. i did what any other person would do, i actually googled it! (don’t judge!)

The first hit showed that it’s a “comedy-drama” sort of film that is an adaptation of an old novel with the same name.

The first thought that came to mind was:

*damn, i can’t believe i stopped what i was doing to search for a “drama” sort of film* .

Which i relayed to both. but to my surprise, both of their replies revolved around the same idea : you should watch it, you’ll relate to the main character.

I got curious once again, and yes you’ve guessed it! i googled further more but this time i came into an interesting finding! it’s a quote of a scene in that movie:

We are here to make limbo tolerable, to ferry wounded souls across the river of dread until the point where hope is dimly visible. And then stop the boat, shove them in the water, and make them swim.

That quotation did it for me! I’m sold.. I’ll watch it!

To sum it all up, this movie is about a corporate man, due to this career has a very isolated life and somewhat unusual philosophies when it comes to relationships.  

One of his philosophies is that of the “backpack”. he claims that we should put all our relationships, bonds of trust, intimacy, friendship,etc.. in that backpack and then feel its weight.

Its weight is what’s keeping us from fulfilling our goals or dreams or whichever thing we seek to carry out.

Now that’s messed up! right? maybe? 

Well even though i understood where he’s coming from, i didn’t actually relate up until another scene in that movie.

Ryan Bingham: If you think about it, your favorite memories, the most important moments in your life… were you alone?

Jim Miller: No, I guess not.

Ryan Bingham: Hey, come to think of it, last night, the night before your wedding, when all this shit is swirling around in your head, weren’t you guys sleeping in separate bedrooms?

Jim Miller: Yeah, Julie went back to the apartment, and I was just by myself in the honeymoon suite.

Ryan Bingham: Kind of lonely, huh?

Jim Miller: Yes, it was pretty lonely.

Ryan Bingham: Life’s better with company.

Jim Miller: Yeah.

This one did it for me. it put things in perspective! 

Now i know why both of them felt the need to point this movie out for me to watch…

I realize it now, the answers of these questions 9 times out of 10 is my career. some of my best memories revolve around accomplishments throughout my career.

Most people claim that it’s better to have someone in your life, if not for love*, it’s for not dying alone.

but you know what?  for me.. on my own death bed, it’s not going to matter who I’m with.

What would actually matter is looking back and be proud of what i accomplished whether it’s having kids i’m proud of, or a long-lasting career that is full of accomplishments.

That! that would make me happy.

That is my 10 million miles mark! (watch the movie,you’ll get it)


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Posted by on 10/09/2013 in Thoughts


For the love of Steak

For those of you who follow this blog, you probably noticed a certain trend of posting relationship related posts for a while. well this time it’s going to be a bit different yet exactly the same. This time, it’ll be about my relationship with food, and specifically with steak.

Almost every woman i know, end up hinting or sometimes being blunt about it and saying it flat out loud:  “Roland, You love food to the point, women in your life come in a distant second.”. Well all feminist believe that women are smarter than men, well in this case… who am i to argue?

Which brings us to my actual true love, my one and only, the one thing i think of when food comes to mind, and that is STEAK.

This unhealthy (yet it feels oh so good) infatuation with steak, started a couple of years ago where i ordered a well done steak, and i got served a rare one instead. I didn’t notice at first, because i was too busy talking with this gorgeous date i had at the time (yes, yes! i used to ignore steak for women… oh well, we live, we learn.) so after cutting this small slice and seeing all that pink color inside, i immediately felt annoyed. i wanted to return it! but the discussion with my date, took an unexpected turn. to the extent that i didn’t care how well my steak is done, it honestly was the least of my concerns.

But believe you me, i did actually want to return it,  i mean we don’t even eat “kebbe nayye”  at home due to all the health reasons it might cause, so how the heck would i eat a rare steak and at a restaurant which i know nothing about its chef?

But again, the discussion was too intense for me to call the waiter over so i took a couple of bites and half way through our conversation i had an epiphany. and that was that every woman, every date i could ever have after that night could never even begin to measure up against the date i had that night. because that night! sitting with the most beautiful,smart,confident, well accomplished woman. i actually found my first true love. Yes, i’ve found it. and it’s called Steak.

You see before that day, i got used to the “well done” brown steak that we all hate. it’s like you need a chain saw to cut through it, and it just tastes funny!

But ever since that day, i’ve made it a ritual. Every year, in the last week of lent (last week before easter. as i usually abstain from meat all lent long) to try a new kind of steak. so i start googling my way through the net to find the best recipe  for my first  love to bathe in.

This years recipe, was simple yet tasty as fuck. (not that i’ve tried tasting that) and it’s all about how to cook a “Blue steak”.

When i first read the title,  i thought that it’ll be something like blue cheese, which actually threw me off a bit. but my curiosity got me to google further more which i’m glad i did.

Blue steak is about rare steak, it’s about having a steak so rare, you’ll actually have to hold it down so it doesn’t go eat the grass/plants in front of your door steps and say “moo” (ya ya it’s lame. )

Now the first concern that i had in mind, is how healthy could this be ? so of course, i googled a bit more and apparently germs and what not only grow where they come into contact with air. in other words, even rare steak will get rid of those germs as long as it’s subdued to heat. which obviously, what cooking steak is all about.

Now that i’m rest assured that it’s healthy, i went at it (i do cook occasionally, nothing major.. just the bare minimum.) and below you’ll see the exact same ritual i take when i cook steak as well as my own little customized recipe for blue steak:

  1. Get your own steak, don’t get it frozen. don’t order it, don’t rely on your mom to get it. this is food, this is steak, this is your own meal. WORK FOR IT!! I usually get an entrecote, though you’re free to choose what ever you’d like as long as it’s thick.
  2. If you’re planning to have it for lunch, Wake up in the morning, take it out of the freezer and just let it be. (obviously you’ll have to cover it with something)
  3.  30 minutes before you decide you want to start cooking, get your steak, clean all the liquids around it (it melted remember?) and sink it in wine.
  4. Remember, you have to poke it with a fork every few minutes.
  5.  Now the important part begins. we’re soon to have steak, what’s missing? (if you guessed it, you’re awesome. if not, then meh…) it’s BEER time!
  6. get a couple of beers out of the fridge and stick them in the freezer. our meal will be served in around 40 minutes. that will give it enough time to reach the almost frozen state which is the best way to have a beer (- 4 degrees)

Now here starts the cooking part of blue steak. i’ve gathered these tips and hints from all over the place, or i would’ve quoted the origin.

  1.  Remove the steak out of wine, let it drain for a couple of minutes, and then put salt and pepper all over it from both sides (quantity is to your liking)
  2. put olive oil in a pan, and start heating it up  until it starts emitting that weird sound and smell. then put a small piece of butter (i told you, it’s an unhealthy infatuation)
  3. When butter is all melted through the boiling olive oil, slide in your steak (is it me or this sorta sounded awkward?) keep it at the highest temperature and  just leave it be. the only thing you need to do is to make sure it doesn’t stick. and to do so, you just need to shake your frying pan every once in a while.
  4. If your steak is cut in a thin way (didn’t i tell you to let it be thick ? why don’t you listen? huh? why? ) fry it for max 1 minute on each side. if it’s thick, then let it be for around 90 seconds on each side. (it’s crucial to have the olive oil and butter HEATED before you do this)
  5. Make sure you get the sides. not just top and bottom, you need to master the art of choreography to get a steak to be fried sideways, but you have to do it. so figure it out.

And that is it, you’re ready to have your blue steak. but obviously it’s not ready to be served yet. you need to either throw in a salad on the side or maybe something else?

I usually go for oven baked potato, and it’s fairly simple and yummy. here’s how i do it:

  1. Heat up your oven.
  2. Rub your potatoes with olive oil.
  3. Sprinke salt and pepper all over it.
  4.  Stick it in the oven (make sure the oven is all pre heated) and wait for 15 minutes.(remember keep the oven on, don’t turn it off)
  5.  Melt a piece of butter, take the potatoes out and inject that melted butter inside different parts of those potatoes. (by now it’ll be all mushy and easy to do that).
  6.  Now wrap your potatoes with foil, and put them back in for another 15 to 20 minutes.

And voila, you now have awesome butter baked potatoes to add to your blue steak.

Enjoy and bon apettit 🙂

NOTE: don’t forget the beer in that freezer 🙂


Posted by on 14/04/2013 in Food


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The secret to happiness. i found it, have you?

Happiness, that’s what i am in the mood to talk about. hence, I’m going to. Like all my earlier posts. instead of writing, worrying about post structure,grammar and so on and so forth, I’ll just be talking. I’ll be sharing my thoughts to whoever might end up reading this post.

So what is happiness for you an i?

If you google “what is happiness” the first hit you get is

state of well-being characterized by emotions ranging from contentment to intense joy.

So if that’s the case, then happiness is relative. in other words a 4-year-old would be happy about having a toy to play with, exactly like an adult would. by achieving one of his goals.

Given those two examples; happiness in part relies on being content of your current standing in life as a whole and what you have in particular. whether its materialistic things or someones affection, health or any sort of thing that you think you may need.

So using the centuries old proven reasoning of deduction, if being content brings happiness, then to be happy you should be content. sounds pretty simple to me!

Now that i’m prepped with the secret of happiness, i’m ready to face the world and work on getting my piece of heaven on earth. i need to find what i want and pursue it.Then and only then, I’ll experience happiness.but hey, wait! what if that goal took longer than expected? what if it’s too hard? what if i’ve never reached it? what if i actually did reach it. what then ?

If i rely on the time proven theory that’s nothing constant but change. then it’ll mean that by the time i’ve accomplished my already set goal. my entire needs and goals would have changed and i would have yet another goal to look forward to.

Interesting, so depending on that! i’ll be spending my life being miserable up until that brief moment where my goal gets accomplished and find myself setting another.

Life happens while you’re planning for it

Bummer! so my reasoning up untill now is flawed! damn i hate being wrong!

But then again, life can’t be about chasing mediocre moments of happiness at the expense of years of actually pursuing it.

No wonder the secret of happiness stayed exactly that! for so long..

But you know what? i won’t give up!  i can’t afford to! i’ll go at it again, back to square one.

given that to be happy you’ll have to be content. what’s the secret of happiness?
Thinking and thinking, and thinking a bit more! (Ya i tend to do that now and then.. there’s hope for me yet)
You know what?  i think i’ve found it. The secret to happiness isn’t just about pursuing what you think will make you happy! It’s about being content of what you already have!
But hey wait just one minute. wouldn’t that kill my quest to always yearn for better things!
DAMN! did i mention how much i hate being wrong?
I’m so close! i know i am..

Time to get my act together and give it one last try, there’s too much at stake!
So far we have two solutions, both lead to eventual happiness though one isn’t as cost-effective as the other when it comes to time spent.
So using plain old logic, i have something to say;

Eureka, i’ve found it!

Plain logic dictates that if one reaches happiness while pursuing better things and the other provides happiness with the things you’ve already found.
then it’s only logical that combining the two of them would lead to a happy life!

Seems i’ve found it, hope one day. you will too 🙂

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Posted by on 14/07/2012 in Thoughts



The woman that went missing

Ever noticed how everyone falls in love with people in there near proximity? i mean obviously they wouldn’t mail order their bride (even though i hear this actually happens in certain places) but that makes you wonder about what falling in love is.

Is it truly the case that there’s someone for everyone, or do we forge an ideal candidate up on a pedestal and start comparing one relationship after the other to that person till one day we either get tired of comparing and give in, or we just find that someone who had the highest score among the rest and claim that we fell in love with.

Is that what falling for someone really is? comparing them to a list of requirements  till you see someone who fits? When it comes to me, I’m not an exception to the rule of no one being perfect (my ego would disagree, but let’s just leave that to a different post where i discuss how amazing i am) but i do have a set of criteria of my own.

In the end every one of us has a certain preference when it comes to the person he might eventually like..

Mine are fairly common (that’s what i used to think);

  • Smart, that doesn’t mean she should have  the highest IQ, but she shouldn’t be a blonde either! to sum it up, she should be someone who i could discuss different subjects with. (and no! Fashion isn’t an interesting subject)
  • Sense of humor, i think we all dislike uptight people.
  • Mature, “some age others mature”, is such a true saying.
  • Naughty, mind you that being naughty doesn’t always require to do so sexually.. #JustSaying
  • Lady-Like, ya that’s a bit tricky with the naughty part. at least that’s what some you say.. but i disagree! having a true lady-like behavior would be the perfect example of how to balance her private intimate side with her loved one, and her social image as a young mature successful woman.
  • Well accomplished, yes you heard me! i don’t like those who glide through life just waiting for something to happen. she has to have career goals, dreams…
  • Doesn’t take no for an answer. I’m not sure why women these days think it’s AOK to give in to men in their lives! Granted, i’m as eastern as any other lebanese man BUT that doesn’t mean i’m ok with a spineless woman! she should have her say and expect to be heard!

So yep, that’s about as generic as it may be, but would you believe me if i tell you that i’t’s pretty hard to come across a woman who matches these or at least some of them?

Almost every woman I’ve met in the last couple of years can be divided into five categories..

  1. Lady-like, Smart,Funny,In a serious relationship,engaged or married.
  2. Smart,Sexy, successful, shallow,Fake and playful.
  3. Good Looking,Naive,and young.
  4. Wants to get married next Sunday. and if we’re on a saturday! then you’re in luck, it’ll happen the next day.
  5. Eyes on future husband’s bank account. after all she’s a princess.

Where did the kind of women that you could take her to a family wedding, hang with friends and spend some time with ? are they a dying breed? are they all married or abroad?

Is it possible that our Lebanese society is that messed up that it divided women to those which you take to meet your family, friends or spend some intimate time with? i mean where are those which are a moderate mix of the three ? is there a country-wide conspiracy to ship them abroad ?

The scarcity of women that meet such requirements reminded me of this saying:

A goal is not always meant to be reached, it often serves simply as something to aim at.

Which is what i ended up doing.. i’m actually moving away from a goal that revolves around finding a decent woman who i could spend time with, to finding a woman i can stand being around…

Unless! you can tell me where did that type of women go….


Posted by on 05/06/2012 in Thoughts


Can you imagine ?

So i came across a tweet today that goes like this: “La vie n’est pas en rose !”

in case you’re wondering what it means. well it’s roughly translated to life isn’t an easy ride nor is it joyful due to its rough patches. it’s sort of a french pessimistic opposite of “Life is just a bowl of cherries”

If you look up the meaning of life you get

” the condiltion that distinguishes animals and plants from inorganic matter, including the capacity for growth, reproduction”

But is it? is life just a dull and lifeless as this definition makes it sound ?

I don’t know about you, but i disagree to a certain point.

Some of you may be thinking to themselves, how could a person “disagree to a certain point” on such an important matter? well the answer is simple..

Well life is shared by plants and animals alike right?

And to describe life of a human, what’s a better way than to use another form of life on our planet! which are *plants* themselves.. sorta convenient since this all started with a “rose”  don’t you agree?

So now I’d like you to picture something with me, forget what you were doing.. nah seriously! forget what you were doing and imagine for a second that life is a beautiful garden rose with its stem and thorns. A real beautiful rose.. roses are nice aren’t they? Now imagine it’s stem full of thorns and right underneath it, right there! at the bottom end of it, there’s you,me and people like us!

Can you imagine that for me ? imagine how beautiful that rose is and how rewarding it would be to get to the tip-top of that stem! that stem that’s full of thorns with a magnificent rose on top that would be sinful not to to pursue!

Are you still imagining ? are you still under that stem? will you go through that journey up the stem like millions did before you? it’s a long trip .. i know! it’s tiring… i know! it’s full of thorns.. i know! you may come to times where the only thing you see is thorns… i know!  believe me.. i know!

But do you know what i do also know ? It’s that when the climbing gets hard, and there’s no place to put your foot in!  You should be thankful for those thorns! those thorns are there to help you climb! each thorn you surpass will be a stepping stone to get you further up the stem to reach that rose! to reach your rose! can you imagine how easy life would be if we learned to step on the thorns that injured us and climb further up the stem to reach our rose? can you imagine? can you?!

Well i can, i can imagine… and not only that! but i actually do agree that ” la vie nest’ pas en rose”.. because life! is a rose itself … our troubles! are the thorns themselves.. and what we can do with those thorns.. is up to the imagination of you, me and every one elses..

Now that you’ve finished imagining , there’s one more thing left to do! and that’s to climb! imagine that rose in your head… and just climb!


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Posted by on 29/04/2012 in Thoughts


“If only. Those must be the two saddest words in the world”

Regrets, run on a special kind of fuel.

If only i picked a different career

If only she knew hes cheating

if only , if only, if only…

If only you live your life backwards, you arise from the dead, packed with experience you go through life with the maturity of an elderly and the knowledge of a scholar. but that’s not the case, the natural way of things goes by only one rule and that is: You’re born , you live with your regrets and then you die.

pessimistic way of looking at life isn’t it ?

Well pessimistic or not that’s what life is all about, its coming to life doing the best you can and then going out fighting with the least of regrets, or that’s how it’s supposed to happen. and what better proof we have but to admire an elderly’s life ? You see it always amazes me seeing old people and young kids alike! one who lived his life and the other still have it ahead… it amazes me the amount of experience one must have and the amount of situations the other will have to experience.. it makes me wonder about all those life decisions that the elderly took and how it got him to where he is today.

They say life is the hardest school of all! it gives you a test and then provides you with the experience to solve it. so if Regrets are fueled with “if only” then what fuels life itself? in my modest opinion, it’s decisions.

decisions are the fuel of life, a decision can go one way or the other and it’s not decisions themselves that makes life hard, but the fact that you have to live with their outcome. Decisions like life itself has a one way street that will never fail to go onwards, it won’t give you a break, it won’t wait till you’re back on your feet. it will just keep going and the only thing you have left is a thought that keeps banging on your door in those long sleepless nights! a thought that starts with “if only”.

I wonder how many “if only” those elderlies might have! i wonder how many if only those kids will have to endure at night throughout their hopefully prosperous lives!

Some of you might be thinking, this is a very sad and pessimistic way of looking at life! to summarize it all to a bunch of decisions and if-only fueled regrets! well i agree! life is about much more than a bunch of bad decisions and few regrets! it’s about what YOU and i make of it.

I don’t know about you! but i plan to go through my lief with the least regrets possible… some of you might be laughing at this idea, as if and only if we had the power to remove regret from our lives the term “if only” wouldn’t exist. but you know what? we actually do have that power.. we have the power to move on and make the best of it!

we have the power to become an elderly, to look back on our death-bed to our  life and be proud of what we’ve accomplished! and that my friends, will be something you’ll never regret.



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Posted by on 16/04/2012 in Thoughts

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